He is clearly seen.

Last weekend my sweetie (well, I call him my hot, hot, hottie) and I went away to a lovely resort north of Milwaukee.  The Osthoff is a quiet, beautiful place to spend quiet time alone.

We had a lovely Friday there – complete with spa services and lots of rest.  In the evening, we sat quietly alone – however, the incomparable Frank Sinatra was with us.  While I sat  quietly next to him, I began having a conversation with Jesus.  Have you ever done that?  I was just conversing with Him in my heart as I sat there with my hottie.  The first word I said to Him was this:  really?

My conversation with my Lord went something like this.  “Really, Lord?  You give up everything for me – a person who has a dark, disobedient and sinful disposition.  Plus you give me this man.  This man who treats me so very well.  This man who would lay down his life for his wife.  Yes, Lord, I have no doubt that he would.  And then Lord, you provide the resources for us to go to a nice place like this.  Really, Lord?”

I never said a word to the hottie about my conversation with our Lord.  The only thing I could picture was Jesus just smiling as big as He could.  Because I do know that my Lord loves for me to be blessed …………… thankfully blessed.

Later that weekend, we went to our morning church service.  And my Lord, He spoke back to me.  While my pastor was speaking, he said “and what is it Jesus is asking you to lay down?”  Yes, my Lord speaks to me through other people sometimes.  I bet He does that for you too.

It was in that moment that my Lord said, “yes, really, Dawn I have blessed you abundantly.”  And then I heard Him say, “My desire is that you lay down something for me.”  Immediately I knew what He was asking.  He’s asking me to lay down more of my time for Him.  Normally, that would be a very scary thing for a busy mama to hear from her Lord.  However, can you see how wonderfully He prepared my heart?  He caused that I see His overflowing gracious blessings on me.  Me!

“No,” Lord, I answered.  “It will not be hard because You’ve helped me to see clearly.”

He’s like that, my Lord.  He prepares me so gently and then, then He gives a command.

**one of my favorite photos of us……….taken while we were quietly spending time alone last weekend

Dear Mak & Livy:

Today I was sitting on the sofa reading with Livy.  She’s 9 now and as I sat there reading with her, I realized something.

It happened when it was her turn to read.  I took my eyes off the page and looked up and I saw my Mak.  Standing there all grown up and 14 years old.  And I realized that one day you’ll both be too old for me to read to you.  Something of my heart broke off right then and there and I think a tear welled up in my eye.

It’s the reading I’ve loved so much.  The reading to you.  The reading with you.  The choosing the books.  The loving the books.  It’s something I’ve treasured as your mama.  I just thought you should know.

I love you.  I love you the biggest my heart can love.

Always,

mama xoxo

Last week I began 100 days of salad.  Salad for dinner for 100 days.  Our house can be challenging because we’ve got three vegetarians and one meat eater.  So, often I’ll make a salad and then add some meat to it for Papa.

Often times we have homemade soup with our salad and sometime we have something heartier.  It’s been fun planning and making different salads every night.  A few of the salads we’ve had thus far ar:

Boston lettuce, pear, apple and cashew

Black bean, tomato, scallion, jalapeno

Baby romaine, white bean, sun dried tomato

Roasted vegetables, goat cheese, butter lettuce, balsamic

Earlier this week, early in the morning, Livy climbed up on my lap and gave me a hug.  She rested her head right on my shoulder and her arms wrapped tight around my neck.  She breathed softly and calmly drifted into me.  I took a deep breath in to smell her hair and I ran my hand across her cheek.  My eyes welled up with tears and then she ran off to finish getting ready for school.  It was a fifteen second moment and it made me cry.

The tears came quickly.  A reminder of the thankfulness I feel that God has blessed me so.  Me.  It brings me to a puddle of tears when I think of it.  When I think all of it:   I have a warm house.  And food to eat.  And money to buy things.  And a man who loves me to the ends of the earth and back.  And I can walk and talk and see.  And I have two healthy children.  Two.  Two here.  And several in heaven.  And why has He blessed me so?

Dear Mak & Livy:

2012.  It’s 2012!  Happy New Year, sweet girls.

The other day Livy said to me, “mama, do you remember a few weeks go when you asked me what I think you could do to be a better mama?”  I thought I would die laughing.  How long, little Lulu have you been thinking on that?  I braced myself for what was coming my way.  What in the world were you going to say?

Smiling and cautious, I said, “yes, Livy.  Do you want to add to what you already told me?”  As you will recall, you previously indicated that I didn’t have to make so much organic-y vegetable-y food!  I couldn’t imagine what would come next.

“mama,” you said “before you let someone borrow something of mine, you should ask me first.”  Ok.  I could deal with that one.  You’re right, I should ask first when it’s your stuff.

Now, I’m not here to defend the fact that I’ve lent your things to others without your permission.  I won’t do that because each time I’ve  done it (and I’ve done it too much) it was wrong.  However, I am here to explain myself.

Over the last few years, I’ve become more and more detached from things.  I  don’t want them.  I want relationships, health and to help others.  I just have less of a desire for things.  I don’t care about new cars and fancy furniture.  Those things are nice but I just don’t care anymore about them.  When we have purchased things that seem extravagant – like the boat – we’ve done so with relationships in mind.  The boat allows us to spend great family time together and that’s the only reason we purchased it with your uncle.  As you know, I have chosen to reduce the amount that I work to about half of what I did at one time so that I could spend more time with you.  You see, the money and the things just don’t matter to me.

You always wonder why I have so many books.  So many of the same books.   I keep so many books in our library because I give them away.  When a book changes me, I’m known to order 10 of them.  And when I feel that someone will be changed too, I give one away.  I remember several years back a young boy came to our door in the summertime.  He was selling magazine subscriptions.  We got to talking to him and he told us that he was recently released from a juvenile detention center.  His life sounded hard.  He had made bad decisions in his past but was trying to do better.  During our conversation, he happened to mention that he had just started attending church.  I asked him if he had a Bible.  He did not.  Guess what?  That’s  a book that I always keep extras of to give away!  I gave him a Bible and five others of which I had extras.  Girls, I’ll never forget the look on his face.  He exclaimed, “why would you give me all of these books?”  The only answer I had for him is, “because I care about you.”  By his reaction, I’d have to say that he was touched to be cared for in the only way I could care for him.

So you see, giving your stuff away changes people.  Mostly, it changes you.

Now, don’t get me wrong.   I like nice things just as much as the next person.  I’ve just learned that I don’t need them.  I avoid even looking at them.  Remember a few weeks ago when I asked Papa to throw away all of the catalogs that arrive in the mail?  I don’t even want to see what is available.  Why?  Because if I see it, I may want it.  Therefore, I don’t even want to see it.

So, girls, please excuse me when it appears that I’m being awfully free with your things.  I promise to do better in this area.  I know someday things will matter much less to you.  I was protective of my things too when I was your age.  With age, however, I’ve learned that I’d much prefer to give away what I have because that……..well……….that feeling is superior to the feeling I have when I’m clinging to what I have.

Love you so.

xoxox

mama

I had the honor to photograph the lovely Hill family this afternoon – New Year’s Eve!  Ana and Paul are also celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary today.

Hill family:  I am so happy that we had the “warm” weather we did today, although a far cry from Argentina!  I’m happy we could do it while you were all together here in the states.  It was a lovely day talking with you and taking photographs.  Thank you so much for all of your cooperation and for braving this chilly weather.  You are wonderfully delightful to be around!  Here’s your sneak peak:

Christmas celebrations have come to an end.  We savored it as a family, although, I felt a bit more pressure than I intended and certainly more than I liked.  My favorite moments:

Reading the love letters we left for one another under the Christmas tree.

The tears Makenna shed for the necklace we had made for her (the same one was made for Olivia) – a pendant that says “an audience of One”.

Liv’s tears of joy reading Mak’s letter to her.

Spending the day with my favorite people on earth.

Once again, blessed by His grace and kindness.

And now, I am in my typical the-year-is-changing-to-the-next contemplation mode.  The Lord is pressing in on me to focus on joy.  JOY in Him.  Not things, not moments and not dreams – Him.  Without joy and satisfaction in Him alone, there is nothing.  Without helping my children discover true, honest joy in the One that matters most, I will be an utter failure as a mother and human being.  I mean that.  I don’t want to raise them to follow rules and to be sure to be good girls.  Who wants to follow rules for the sake of being a rule follower?  Can you say ridiculous?  Insanity – yes – that is insanity.  Instead, let’s find pure joy and satisfaction in King Jesus for He is worthy.  How well do we do that as parents?  How well do we convey that He’s altogether wonderful?  How often do we go about quoting Scripture and pointing out rules without reflecting the joy we have in Him?  This will be my personal focus this year………….and the perspective from which I parent.

“God defines evil in this way when he says, ‘my people have committed two evils:  they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water’ (Jer. 2:13).  God pictures himself as a mountain spring of clean, cool, life-giving water.   The way to glorify a fountain like this is to enjoy the water, and praise the water, and keep coming back to the water, and point other people to the water, and get strength for love from the water, and never, never, never prefer any drink in the world over this water.  That makes the spring look valuable.  That is how we glorify God, the fountain of living water.

But in Jeremiah’s day people tasted the fountain of God’s grace and did not like it.  So they gave their energies to finding better water, more satisfying water.  Not only did God call this effort futile (“broken cisterns that can hold no water”), but he called it evil:  ‘My people have committed two evils.’  They put God’s perfections to the tongue of their souls and disliked what they tasted; then they turned and craved the suicidal cisterns of the world.  That double insult to God is the essence of what evil is.

So preferring the pleasures of money or power or fame or sex over the “pleasures………….at {God’s} right hand” (Ps. 16:11) is not like preferring caramel to hot fudge.  It is a great evil.  Indeed it is the ultimate meaning of evil.  Esteeming God less than anything is the essence of evil.”

~John Piper

And so the 2012 work begins.  Fighting for joy in Him.

Thanks to everyone who entered the drawing for a session with me next year!  I wish I had the time and resources to give everyone who entered a session!

The winner is:  Tanta Demarais.  Congrats, Tanta!  I’m looking forward to meeting you!