Month: October, 2011
Dear Mak & Liv -
I’d like to tell you a story today.
Today I stopped into the Woodman’s for just a few things. Broccoli, potatoes – things like that. Not a long list but a quick one. It had been a long day already when I got to the store. Some days are just like that. Same number of hours but insanely longer than most.
As I was leaving the store, I couldn’t find my key for the car. My only key. Our only key. I began retracing my steps when I realized what had happened. I set my key in the nice little tray on the front of MY cart. At Wood’s, as you know, they do magic cart switching for each customer. That means that I received the customer’s cart just before me in line and the customer just behind me received my cart. By the time I realized what had happened, I was back by Martha Stewart Living in the magazine section. I hurried back to my line……….frantic to find the customer just behind me. It was too late to find the customer just behind me.
I proceeded to go to the parking lot looking for my cart………….in every cart corral. After 20 minutes of looking, I called my knight. My knight in shining amor. Yes, that one. I told him he would have to pick you girls up and that I had lost my key. And then I hung up. And then I began sobbing. Literally crying my eyes out. As I was walking through the parking lot, I kept telling God that He would have to find the key for me because I had no hope without Him. Too many carts. Too many people.
After 45 minutes, I slumped down in my car. Crying. Without my key. And all of a sudden I heard a magical voice. My knight. My knight in shining armor. Your papa. “Dawn.” And then I cried some more. I ran over to the truck. That’s what I do with your papa. I run to him. Sometimes I want so desperately not to need him. Not sure why. But it’s true, I do sometimes want to not need him. Girls, I’ve learned after 16 years that I do need him. And that’s ok.
He asked me to just go to the car and wait for him. He would find the key, he said. He sent you girls to me. And the moment you uttered your sweet words: “mama, it’s going to be ok” “mama, it’s ok this could happen to anyone” “mama, don’t cry” I knew that as your papa left the truck to look for the key that I had so ridiculously lost that he instructed you to encourage me. I knew.
Three minutes later, your papa called me from across the parking lot. He did in four minutes what I had been unable to do in 45. He found the key. The best part: he did it with a smile. And with lots of love. And that’s when Livy said “oh, mama, he’s not just your hot, hot, hottie………..he’s your hero hero hero. Right on, sister.
And then papa walked up with a great big smile on his face and said, “I love when I can save the day for you.” And he means it.
And that, my girls, is how you live happily ever after. When you find a knight in shining armor like that. One that will let you be strong when you want but will also love when you are weak.
I love you.
I am not a big fan of school projects involving bugs. Tomfoolery. That’s what it is.
Nevertheless, the children are typically required. Tomfoolery.
She named her bug Lucy. I took some snapshots. And things went wrong. But I don’t touch bugs.
Here is where things started to go awry. Lucy started climbing Liv’s body and Liv started screaming, “mama, get her off of me!!”
“oh honey, you are funny!” I said.
And then she screamed louder and I thought she would cry.
You know that if her life was in danger, I would have helped. But this. No. I couldn’t.
As usual. Papa to the rescue.
Oh Lucy. You are cute in that I can clearly see that God made you – for you are amazingly and creatively made. It’s just Tomfoolery for you and I to interact. And I will no longer have to wonder why you are on my dining room table! My dining room table, Miss Lucy!!! If that’s not Tomfoolery I don’t know what is.
Enjoy your tree home, Miss Lucy.
The hardest part of being your mom right now – during your freshman year – is not that I have to worry about the mistakes you’ll make. It isn’t wondering if or when you’ll get into trouble. It isn’t worrying about your grades.
It’s this: knowing that you are experiencing wonderful and fun things without me. I sat here for ten minutes trying to figure out how to say that gracefully. There is no way to make that thought sound lovely. The words aren’t meant to stop you or to take away from the sweetness of your life right now. It’s just a mama watching her baby glide in and out of our home as a happy teenager should. It’s a mama’s heart breaking off and going with you each time you leave and knowing that those pieces of my heart are never to return. Because you do take a bit of my heart each time you leave. And those small parts of my heart – they can’t be mended back into the one beating in my chest. They reside with you. Maybe that’s what being a mama is. Little slivers of your heart going off without you. Love being given in chunks. Yes the hardest part is not knowing all that you are giggling over, not seeing all that you are seeing and not hearing all of the stories that are part of you now. Yes, there are things that are part of you now that I don’t know. And sweet thing, ’tis right and good that it is this way. You see, a mama’s heart just has to warm to it slowly. I’m wading in that water and my body is acclimating to the changes and before you know it I’ll be wading even deeper.
I love you. And I’m happy that you are taking bits of my heart with you when you go.
We have been trying to get this session in for months! And the rain just kept messing with us……..well and busy schedules.
The weather this evening was perfect. And the company was better. I so enjoyed hanging with these friends. Thank you, Karen and your guys! You all rocked it tonight. I loved (capital L) shooting you guys……….and that amazing ’53!
From the gifts we’ve been given, to the ocean blue and the meadowlark. From the concept of marriage forever to DNA. From the galaxies of stars and breath like a vapor. From the fragrance of the notes from a beginning cellist to the womb fluid that a baby grows in. I am in awe and therefore this quote struck my heart and nearly cracked it in two. How about you?