He is clearly seen.

Last week I began 100 days of salad.  Salad for dinner for 100 days.  Our house can be challenging because we’ve got three vegetarians and one meat eater.  So, often I’ll make a salad and then add some meat to it for Papa.

Often times we have homemade soup with our salad and sometime we have something heartier.  It’s been fun planning and making different salads every night.  A few of the salads we’ve had thus far ar:

Boston lettuce, pear, apple and cashew

Black bean, tomato, scallion, jalapeno

Baby romaine, white bean, sun dried tomato

Roasted vegetables, goat cheese, butter lettuce, balsamic

Earlier this week, early in the morning, Livy climbed up on my lap and gave me a hug.  She rested her head right on my shoulder and her arms wrapped tight around my neck.  She breathed softly and calmly drifted into me.  I took a deep breath in to smell her hair and I ran my hand across her cheek.  My eyes welled up with tears and then she ran off to finish getting ready for school.  It was a fifteen second moment and it made me cry.

The tears came quickly.  A reminder of the thankfulness I feel that God has blessed me so.  Me.  It brings me to a puddle of tears when I think of it.  When I think all of it:   I have a warm house.  And food to eat.  And money to buy things.  And a man who loves me to the ends of the earth and back.  And I can walk and talk and see.  And I have two healthy children.  Two.  Two here.  And several in heaven.  And why has He blessed me so?

Dear Mak & Livy:

2012.  It’s 2012!  Happy New Year, sweet girls.

The other day Livy said to me, “mama, do you remember a few weeks go when you asked me what I think you could do to be a better mama?”  I thought I would die laughing.  How long, little Lulu have you been thinking on that?  I braced myself for what was coming my way.  What in the world were you going to say?

Smiling and cautious, I said, “yes, Livy.  Do you want to add to what you already told me?”  As you will recall, you previously indicated that I didn’t have to make so much organic-y vegetable-y food!  I couldn’t imagine what would come next.

“mama,” you said “before you let someone borrow something of mine, you should ask me first.”  Ok.  I could deal with that one.  You’re right, I should ask first when it’s your stuff.

Now, I’m not here to defend the fact that I’ve lent your things to others without your permission.  I won’t do that because each time I’ve  done it (and I’ve done it too much) it was wrong.  However, I am here to explain myself.

Over the last few years, I’ve become more and more detached from things.  I  don’t want them.  I want relationships, health and to help others.  I just have less of a desire for things.  I don’t care about new cars and fancy furniture.  Those things are nice but I just don’t care anymore about them.  When we have purchased things that seem extravagant – like the boat – we’ve done so with relationships in mind.  The boat allows us to spend great family time together and that’s the only reason we purchased it with your uncle.  As you know, I have chosen to reduce the amount that I work to about half of what I did at one time so that I could spend more time with you.  You see, the money and the things just don’t matter to me.

You always wonder why I have so many books.  So many of the same books.   I keep so many books in our library because I give them away.  When a book changes me, I’m known to order 10 of them.  And when I feel that someone will be changed too, I give one away.  I remember several years back a young boy came to our door in the summertime.  He was selling magazine subscriptions.  We got to talking to him and he told us that he was recently released from a juvenile detention center.  His life sounded hard.  He had made bad decisions in his past but was trying to do better.  During our conversation, he happened to mention that he had just started attending church.  I asked him if he had a Bible.  He did not.  Guess what?  That’s  a book that I always keep extras of to give away!  I gave him a Bible and five others of which I had extras.  Girls, I’ll never forget the look on his face.  He exclaimed, “why would you give me all of these books?”  The only answer I had for him is, “because I care about you.”  By his reaction, I’d have to say that he was touched to be cared for in the only way I could care for him.

So you see, giving your stuff away changes people.  Mostly, it changes you.

Now, don’t get me wrong.   I like nice things just as much as the next person.  I’ve just learned that I don’t need them.  I avoid even looking at them.  Remember a few weeks ago when I asked Papa to throw away all of the catalogs that arrive in the mail?  I don’t even want to see what is available.  Why?  Because if I see it, I may want it.  Therefore, I don’t even want to see it.

So, girls, please excuse me when it appears that I’m being awfully free with your things.  I promise to do better in this area.  I know someday things will matter much less to you.  I was protective of my things too when I was your age.  With age, however, I’ve learned that I’d much prefer to give away what I have because that……..well……….that feeling is superior to the feeling I have when I’m clinging to what I have.

Love you so.

xoxox

mama